Scarred for Life
by tomboy-4-life-911
Summary: Bella's scar starts to hurt when Edward leaves in NM.She notices subtle differences like pains in her chest, buring in her throat and better hearing and balance but she doesn't realise whats happening to her until Carlisle explains. Please R&R. *T*
1. Preface

**Preface**

It was exactly a week after Edward left that James' scar started to hurt. At first, it was just itchy, but now, 1 month later, it is a burning sensation that is only just bearable. Every night, I bathe it in ice cold water and wrap a luke-warm bandage on it over night but it doesn't help[ much. I've debated a few times on whether to contact Carlisle to see what he thinks, but I decided against it believing that the pain would just go away, but like all of the other pain that I've been through, it hasn't.


	2. Chapter 1 Snake Eyes

**Hey everyone. First of all, I would like to thank you sooo much for deciding to read my story.  
Second of all, I would like to thank Sam, Aimee, Emily and Laura for saying that I should put this story on here.  
And last but not least I would like to tell you that I do not own ANY of these characters, they are Stephenie Meyers creation.  
Now I'll stop talking and let you read. I really hope you enjoy it!**

**tomboy-4-life-911**

Chapter 1-Snake eyes

_Beep, beep, beep, beep._

I woke up to the sound of my 7:00am alarm getting me up for school. It was Thursday. I had the usual pain in my chest but there was something else which I couldn't quite place. I slowly walked over to the window to find that Charlie's cruiser had gone. At least that was one less thing to worry about.

I walked even slower to the bathroom to have my morning shower but I let out an ear-piercing scream when I looked in the mirror. The eyes that were staring back at me were blood-red. The thing that scarred me the most was not the eyes but the fact that they reminded me of _him_when he needed to hunt. I literally felt the void in my chest tear open but that was all. There was no pain or dizziness, or a sudden urge to clutch my chest to keep it from breaking into a million pieces. Just a void. This was the moment that I decided to call Carlisle. But how?

As if somebody knew that I needed to contact him (how ironic!), I saw Carlisle and Alice's e-mail addresses on my bedside table. I knew that this was all Alice's idea because Edward would have found a way to stop them from getting here one way or another.

The thing that I didn't understand was that if Alice saw this coming then why didn't she do something about it earlier?

**I'm so sorry it was such a short chapter!!! I will DEFINITELY write more in the next chapter (if you want me to write another chapter, that is).  
Like I said before, I really hope you have enjoyed it so far and I hope you like it enough for me to write another chapter.**

**Yours sincerely,  
tomboy-4-life-911**

**P.S. Please R&R. It means so much to me to know what you think of my stories.**


	3. Chapter 2 Painful Conversation

**Hey everyone!  
First of all, I would like to thank the people who have reviewed my story so far, they mean so much to me and help me with my writing.  
Secondly, I would like to apologies for this slow update.  
I typed it up on my grandparents computer put it wouldn't open on mine.  
And finally, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**P.S. I hope you think it's long enough. If you don't, then please mention it in your review.**

ENJOY!!!

-Chapter 2-

*****Painful Conversation*****

I knew that I wouldn't be able to get through a whole day of school without someone noticing the sudden, drastic change of my eye colour, even if I wore my darkest pair of sunglasses, so I decided to skip school and go onto the computer and talk to Carlisle.

I also knew that no matter how hard I tried, my chest would shatter into a million pieces just from knowing that I was talking to the man that I had classed as my second father.

The computer, as always, took an entire 15 minutes to boot up, so I made a pop-tart. Yet another that scared me was that I couldn't even eat half of a pop-tart before running to the bathroom to bring it up again.

I gave up on trying to eat and went back to my ancient computer, which was now connected, and logged on. Not even a second after I did this, a chat screen appeared, showing Carlisle and Alice's perfect, angelic faces but I felt nothing. _How could I not feel nothing???_

Carlisle was the first to speak, which, I guess, kind of helped in a way, probably because my fears had evaporated after two simple words.

"Hello Bella."

"Hey" I replied. It must sounded a bit hostile towards them but it was the most I could say at that specific moment in time. Carlisle spoke again, which surprised me as I thought Alice would have wanted to talk to me about shopping or something along those lines.

"Alice has told me everything that she saw in her vision. I will tell you exactly what she said but it is extremely important that you tell me anything, anything at all, that I have missed out. Is that alright with you?" He typed all of this in less than 3 seconds so I felt a little annoyed, no, very annoyed, when my reply took even longer than that.

"Okay."

"I will recount what I know in cronological order so that it is easy for you to notice whether I have missed anything out.

So, it all started when my son left. Your scar began to be more noticable and it started to itch and burn. How bad did that feel?"

"Well," I couldn't really think of a way to explain it, "the itching was annoying and the burning felt like it was on fire. Sometimes it's just the scar that burns but other times it's my entire body and that catches me off-guard, and for some reason, my wrist hurt the most at sun-rise, mid-day and sun-set. "

"How long does the burning last?"

"On the wrist, it lasts all day every day, but the whole body thing happens about three times a day."

"Okay then. Next there was the pain in your chest, is that correct?"

"Kind of. My throat burns a bit aswell though."

"Hmmm. Well that is all I know at the moment. Is there anything that you would like to add?"

I thought about whether to tell him about what has happened most recently and mentaly kicked myself for even thinking about that. I knew that if I was going to find out what exactly was happening to me, I would have to tell him _everything._ The answer was short but to the point.

"My eyes are red."

Alice logged off just before I clicked 'enter', but I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Was I relieved that she was letting me and Carlisle talk privatly, or was I worried that she had gone because she saw a vision of Carlisles theory so she didn't want to hear anymore of the conversation? Worry buried the relief when Carlisle didn't answer for 20 _whole_ seconds.

Then his answer came up on the screen.

"Bella, I am terribly sorry to have to say this but I have come to the conclusion that you are slowly become one of...us."

"A vampire?" It was a stupid question but I had to be sure.

"Yes." I couldn't figure out how one little word could make me feel so many different emotions. Fear. What could I do when the only people that could help me through this were under strict orders never to see me again, let alone talk to me.

Joy. I was finally getting the wish that I had asked, or begged, from _him _when he still loved me.

Depression. I only wanted to become a vampire so that I could spend the rest of my life with the man that I considered my soul mate.

Confusion. How did it happen?

"How?"

"My theory is that when James bit you in the ballet back in Phoenix, there were still traces of venom in your blood-stream. These traces were so small that even our vampire senses couldn't pick them up. After time, the venom, although they started off small, must have grown and attacked the human cells."

After reading what was on the screen, I knew that what he said was true. As much as I hated to admit it, it all made perfect sense.

The burning sensation that flowed on-and-off through-out my body.

The need to drink but no matter how much fluid I swallowed, nothing would quench my thirst.

The inability to hold down my food.

The pain in my chest as I breathed.

The sudden improvement of my balance and coordination.

I knew that I couldn't do anything to change who/what I had become, but I couldn't understand how I felt. I felt happy. I was happy that my wish had finally come true, even if the reason for that wish no longer loved me.

There was, however, still a question that gnawed away at my mind:  
How would I be able to control my un-controllable blood-lust without the Cullens help?

**So...what did you think?  
****Good?  
Bad?  
Terrible?  
Whatever you thought of it, please review!  
Your reviews mean so much to me as they give me inspiration and a reason to carry on writing.**

**Thank you all so much for reading,  
tomboy-4-life-911**


	4. Chapter 3 Confontation

**Hello again! Well, here's is Chapter 3. Like the other chapters, I hope you enjoy reading and please review as it helps trumendously.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. All of the characters in this story are of Stephenie Meyers imagination and creation.**

-Chapter 3-

*****Confrontation*****

I tried unsuccessfully to sleep that night, whether it was down to being a vampire or still being a bit human and my inability to sleep was due to the amount of information I had to take in. I heard the front door open at half past three, and indication that Charlie had an early shift. The cruiser, however, didn't move of of the drive. That was what confused me. The engine of his cruiser didn't start. That was when I heard the voices coming from downstairs. Their voices were to quite for me to hear, even with my new vampire hearing. No matter how my better judgment told me not to, I went downstairs to investigate. Not knowing whether I was a full vampire or not yet, I grabbed the full can of pepper-spray from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Tip-toeing on the wooden staircases as to prevent creaks, I made my way down-stairs. Gradually, the voices became louder and I could, somehow, know that there were around 5-6 people, far to many for me to use the pepper-spray on. I froze in my place as I heard my name in the conversation.

"It's Bella's decision. If she decides to forgive and forget the we will warmly welcome her back into the family. If she holds a grudge, then theree is nothing that we can do."

"What if she doesn't hold a grudge with us, what if she still thinks of us as family but refuses to think the same way for Edward?"

I let out a painful gasp as the void one again ripped open. I heard footsteps come towards me and got up to make my escape but I wasn't quick enough. A pair of big arms wrapped around my waist and spun me round in circles.

"Bella! Bella! Bella!" It was Emmetts booming voice that filled the air, threatening to wake the sleeping Charlie on the floor above. Although all I wanted to do was to tell him to be quite and put me down before Charlie woke up, I couldn't. My voice wouldn't work and all I could was stare blankly at him with wide eyes, not believing what I saw.

After what seemed like hours, he put me down and left me to take in the scene in-front of me. There were indeed 6 people, or should I say vampires, smiling hesitantly at me, apart from Alice who's smile reached her ears as she jumped on the spot.

Carlisle was the first to speak, being a sort of head of the family.

"Bella." I took it as a 'hello' so I decided to do the same only, as my voice wouldn't yet work, I inclined my head. It felt stupid but it was the best I could do.

"We're here to help you. Alice saw you with the Volturi guard and wanted to prevent it as soon as possible. Not only have we come to help you, we have come to ask for your forgiveness."

All eyes were on me as my brow furrowed in consfusion and amazement. I had never changed the way I felt about any of them, I still loved them. They were still, in my eyes, my second family.

"Your asking for forgiveness. Why?" I whispered. I clasped my hand to my throat as I heard my voice. It was...beautiful, like a vampires, like wind chimes or church bells. Beautiful and elegant.

"What my son did was inexcusable, and it effected us as well as you, though not as severely in comparison. Alice lost her bubbly personality. She even refused to go shopping!" Alice shrugged at this as if to say 'Your point is...?'. Everyone let out a cough to try to hide their laughter, well, everyone apart from Emmett who roared with laughter, before Carlisle continued,

"Jasper made us all depressed with his own feelings, Emmett didn't play any pranks or say any jokes and Rosalie, well, Rosalie stayed the same." It was then Rosalie's time to shrug and for me to laugh a little, which was a first since _he_ left.

I spoke again in a hushed tone, "What about...what about Edward?" My voice choked at the end and as much as I hoped she wouldn't, Alice came over to me and comforted me.

"Edward's the same as us," Rosalie surprised me by speaking to me in such a kind way, "he hasn't played his piano or listened to any of Cd's or records since we left. The only time he moves from his room is when he goes hunting, and even that done on his own."

"What does that mean?" I asked, still in a hushed tone and even more puzzled than before.

"It means that he still loves you, Bella." It was Esme's caring voice that answered my question.

I sank to the floor as I let the tearless sobs rake my body. I felt numerous pairs of arms hold my body as they tried to calm my body, but it took half an hour to get me back to myself, my 'zombiefied' self anyway.

"You're forgiven, all of you. What's going to happen now though. If Charlie sees me then he'll have a heart attack."

It was Jasper who spoke up next, "You're going to live with us."

Alice whispered to him, forgetting I could hear her, "What about Edward?"

"Stuff Edward! It was his fault what's happened so he can open his eyes and see what his actions have done!!!"

I tried my hardest not to smile but my lips betrayed me, curving up at the sides and letting a laugh escaped from my mouth. However, I went quiet as I saw six smiling faces look down on me.

I walked across to the table which sat under the wall phone and took out a pen and a piece of paper and started to write a note.

_Dear Dad,_

_I am sorry about the way I have acted these past months. _

_It couldn't have been easy for you yet you still stood by me. _

_I will always love you no matter what. _

_You're kindness and patience have helped me through these difficult times and for that I am forever grateful. _

_But I have finally come to the decision that I will no longer let you suffer because of me._

_My address and phone number is on the back of this piece of paper if you still want to see me and talk to me._

_I will love you for the rest of my existence._

_You must believe me when I say that I have left because I don't want you to get hurt._

_Keep my heart safe, I have left it with you,_

_Your daughter,_

_Bella. Xxx_

I was crying so much by the time I had finished writing but I was thankful that no tears were escaping, because if they did, then Charlie would see the evidence of it on the sheet of paper. I stuck the note on the fridge with a magnet and walked out off the front door with Emmett and Jasper either side of me to give me support.

Goodbye old, simple world.

Hello new, strange world.

**How did I do?  
****I've tried to make it as long as I can and elaborate more at the same time (due to the review by DescendingWolves which I greatly appreciated).  
The reason I wanted to update quickly is because I am expecting alot of homework during the week and I wanted you to have another chapter to read.  
Remember that your review are welcome as are any ideas or suggestions for the next chapter.  
I now reply to my reviews as well so that the reviewers know how I felt about what they put and what I intend to do to improve (if they put anything that I can improve on in the review).**

**Thanks for reading this chapter and I will update ASAP,  
Sam (tomboy-4-life-911)**


	5. Ch 4 The Runaway and a Difficult Talk

**Hey wonderful readers!  
I am so sorry that it has taken so long to update, I've had loads of homework and trouble with ideas.  
I hope your wait was worth it.**

**tomboy-4-life-911**

**Disclaimer-I do NOT own Twilight or any of it's characters.**

-Chapter 4-

*****The Runaway and a Difficult Talk*****

Everyone slowed as Alice's eyes glazed over. We were all anxious to know what was in the vision it seemed that we would not find out until we got home. Home. The place where your family is who support you through your times of trouble. It all sounded perfect when you say it like that, but not when you think about all of the things you leave behind.

Renee. The over-protective but caring person who I am proud to call my mother.

Charlie. The shy man who is always cautious and who always blushes at a compliment, the person who I get most of my personality from. I meant what I said in the letter – that I will always love him no matter what and that I will love him for the rest of my existence.

Then there's Phil. The only man that has really, I mean _really_, made my mum happy.

Finally, there are my friends. Jessica, Angela, Tyler, Eric and Mike, the people who helped me through my first days of Forks High School and who have stood by me ever since.

I stopped reflecting on my past when we reached the Cullen's house-hold, the same house they had when I was human, because of the delicious aroma that hit the back of my throat and made it burn. Realisation covered everyone's faces but mine. Carlisle noticed my confused expression and enlightened me.

"He's left."

The feelings that I felt scared me. I felt the same way I did when he left me the first time, the time in the woods. Deserted, alone, empty and with no reason to exist. But then I felt guilty. Guilty for driving Edward away from his family, from the people who brought him up and helped him through the obvious obstacles of being a vampire. I started to run. I wasn't running anywhere in particular I just needed to get away from the scent of the person I used to, and still do, class as my soul-mate. The half an hour run took me to the meadow, 'our' meadow. I lay down on the luscious green grass, not noticing the figure sitting quietly in the tree. I only noticed this when a gust of wind blew the scent towards me, making me bolt up-right. It was him. The person I thought I would never see again was within walking distance of me. I got to my feet and started to leave when a velvety voice called out.

"Please don't go!" His lovely voice sounded so desperate. An involuntary shiver travelled down my spine and, worst of all, he noticed it. He jumped down from the tree and ran up to me. With my back still facing him, I spoke, my voice shaky with emotion.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." His answer made me so angry that I literally felt like killing him, but I knew that I couldn't.

"Because I don't want you to." Could he really not think of a better answer than that?

"WELL YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHOICE WHEN YOU LEFT DID YOU?!?!?!" His face was a mask of pure distress as he took in those words that he knew were the truth.

"I'm sorry." He spoke only in a mere whisper but I could clearly hear the silent pain that followed.

"Which part are you sorry for? The part where you left me or the part where you let me fall into a swirling pool of depression?"

"I didn't know that any of that would happen."

"WELL WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? FEEL BETTER THAN I DID WHEN I WAS WITH YOU? DANCE AROUND THE HOUSE SINGING 'THE SOUND OF BLOODY MUSIC'? FALL IN LOVE WITH JACOB?!?"

The latter affected him the most so he tried to place me in him arms, but I ran away before he could even touch me. I ended up running to the Cullen's house and involuntarily sprinted up the stairs to Edward's room and had a sudden urge to play the piano, even though I had never played before.

I was surprised when my fingers glided over the keys as if I had been playing for years, centuries even. Without realising it, I started to add my own lyrics to the melody.

Remember the times when you believed in yourself,  
Remember the times that you cared.  
Remember the times when you were here for us,  
But then remember the time you soul died.

(Chorus) You started to think that you were all alone,  
But it was you who built all the walls.  
Even through times of trouble,  
When all we tried to do was help,  
You wouldn't let those walls you built,  
Start crumbling down to the ground.

We all heard your heart break,  
When he said he loved you no more,  
But that doesn't mean to say,  
That you have to close all the doors.

(Chorus)

You started to fall into,  
Deep swirling pools of depression.  
Love is what you felt for him,  
And you won't let that feeling be moved.

You try your best to look happy,  
But we all see it's just a mask.  
No-matter how hard you try,  
You yourself know it can't last.

(Chorus x2 and start to fade on repeat)

Wow. It was only when the song had ended that I noticed that I was singing about myself. I guess I did feel the same way about him, but I probably just wrecked my only chance with him back in the meadow. Or so I thought…

**Well...what did you think. Please review even if you don't think it was good, I just need to know what you thought of it in order to improve.  
I also warmly welcome any thoughts and/or ideas for the coming chapter.**

**Thanks again,  
Sam (tomboy-4-life-911)**


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